Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in aradii75's LiveJournal:

Saturday, September 23rd, 2006
4:00 pm	16-06-05 Jupiter visible to the naked eye, next to the moon. So many thoughts that the mind begins to wander. Eyes become heavy, weary with travel. Beautiful star gazer come down from the heights, you sit within. Casual stranger I seek within. We sit around precariously forgetting time and place. Lost rhythms pass, lost patterns submerge in murky foundations. Jupiter’s strength we seek to gain. Moonlights story unravels. So where have all the berries gone, that once stained my skin? Has the season they blossomed in ceased or just been forgotten. We grasp at the walls we create; it can almost be deemed desperate this long and overcast search. Ahh, the sweetness of yearning the long forgotten past. A little light comes with that smell and one of pure delight. From within the depths of the deep and cold and dark sea that envelopes you inside its chaos comes clarity. Comes silence. Can come faith. But where does the faith come from when darkness abounds. When death and decay keep bringing their face to your. I can feel the music that beckons me towards her. Confusion blocks my twisted path. They ask her she if knows what is that the being the initiate brings with it. For her this is not a mental process. Can the unconscious not prepare for this archaic need for knowledge? I understand the principles of the trinity. But the initiates at Avalon were unprepared consciously. The elders prepared them and guided them safely to the other side. Who is it that says that this cannot happen today? Conversation with whom? Oh now they go and run away. The unconscious has to be able to prepare the conscious but may be for reasons unclear as yet it is safer to initiate in the dark. Only a book can give the knowledge they ask of. And that knowledge is for everyone to see. My preparation comes from within not without. (Comment on this)
Monday, August 7th, 2006
11:56 pm	work in progress We live in a media conscious world that is constantly pointing out the negatives in life that predominantly has an attitude of helplessness and blame. Being a sensitive soul in these times can be frought with danger. It is of no surprise to me that mental illness is the new epidemic. We live in a society that has little support for those with deeper insights into the world or that are affected by the lack of compassion that can often be expressed by fellow humans. I came across Wicca over ten years ago, as a young adult struggling to comprehend the world we are living in. Through wicca I have found a way to balance my life and to have a positive influence on those around me. The smallest thing can bring me joy, can show me that the goddess is working with us. I can feel the breeze and feel it wrap around me and feel joy that he is there. I can see a blades of grass and have a conversation with them. In a world where loneliness can be overwhelming, Wicca has shown me I am never alone. I have learnt that I am the charitoteer. I now have the courage to be the Fool, and teeter on the edge of a cliff, not afraid of the fall. I can find beauty in death. I now have the empathy to understand those that have different ideas and lives to me. I am no longer afraid of the dark, instead I have learnt to see the colours within it. By studying the Craft, I open myself up to layers upon layers of sacred knowledge and wisdom. I have learnt that I can better myself, that I can change the conditioning I may have experienced. I no longer feel a sense of helplessness as I am ultimately in control. I am never bored, when there is so much work to do! Just picking up a tarot card and studying the meaning, or looking at an ancient symbol, or the skyline for 5 minutes a day and pondering them, I learn something that applies to my everyday life. Wicca penetrates every aspect of my life. It has shown me that I can make mistakes and when I do have the courage to acknowledge it, learn from it and move on. By understanding my physical body, I now have respect for it and nourish it lovingly. I now see Food as Medicine and have an understanding of what my body needs. I have a greater respect for the earth and all things she provides. I can now see that each action has a consequence. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: The Mars Volta (Comment on this)
Friday, January 27th, 2006
3:35 pm	Connections Its funny the connections we make with people and come to that the way we meet them. What is amazing for both people is not always made in the correct time for both parties. I met someone on the weekend that blew my mind, we connected very beautifully on all levels. Earlier this evening there is a knock on my bedroom door, the young man had come to visit me. We sat and spoke for an hour or so, he then admitted to me he is practically married. It has shocked me on a few levels and probably not on the level most people (especially him) would expect. I am surprised I had not picked up on it, I had picked up he was apprehensive, but put it down to the fact he was a really sweet guy. I am surprised by the fact that he did come around and tell me, he put a lot at risk. He had intended to call me, but lost my number. Most people would have seen this as a great reason not to have to face it. Instead he confronted his mistake. So hey, my intuition was right on that level. He has come to me, I am the one he has redeemed himself too. I understand that I am the easiest one to apologise to. He was quite open about the reasons he actually wants to let his partner know, but is afraid that he would only hurt her for his “egotistical” reasons (i.e., he wants to ease the burden of guilt). She has nothing to worry about (I actually believe this), he has never done it before to anyone, and he will never do it again. To him subconsciously at the time it was his final hurrah!! And well he was much too much of a conscious being to let that pass him by. He is actually quite a respectful guy. All of the above has surprised me so much, because I suppose I have always had very stereotypical views on people that cheat. Considering the fact that I really like this guy, and had wanted to possibly pursue something, I am not angry, this surprised him as well. But at the end of the day, it started out as one night stand, on my part anyway. It just turned out then we had an amazing connection and I decided to exchange numbers with him. I am not angry at all, disappointed yes, angry no. Is this strange? It is not as if I have no self respect! I do, and quite a lot I might add! Is it conditioning that is making me feel strange about my almost lack of reaction? I feel like I am sitting here justifying his actions. Maybe I am, maybe I am not…. It has started me thinking a lot about commitment. No matter how much you love someone, you can still be attracted to other people. It has surprised me in my last couple of relationships, especially the last one, he was convinced that once he met the woman he was meant to be with, he would never be attracted to anyone else. That is actually how he gauged the intensity of his relationships. I have the belief that you will always be attracted to others. It is how you deal with that attraction. In my 6.5 year relationship I was constantly attracted to other people, some of those people just happen to be my best friends now. I respected the fact that I was in a committed relationship and kept it on a strictly emotional and mental level. I think sometimes that is where your most intense relationships can come from, you have the opportunity not to confuse it with the physical. I don’t hate this guy. In a lot of ways he has earned my respect. But there are always two sides to every story, and whilst yes he has done the right thing by me, bottom line is he is still deceiving his partner. He still wants to hang with me, we do get along really well. I am not sure this is so wise though. I look into the future and imagine if we did develop a strong friendship (this would most certainly happen), I would never feel very good meeting his partner, because then I would feel like I was betraying her. Is continuing a friendship with him betraying her? We have so much in common, that is what makes it difficult for me. I have no edsire to pursue anything physical with him, no matter what! He is now like many of my spunky friends that are out of bounds! But I do worry the betrayal thing. Is this my lesson to learn? Not to rush into the physical thing too quickly. Have I also got to live with the fact that I rushed in, did not learn all the facts and now it would be a negative thing for other people if we pursue a friendship? (Comment on this)
Monday, January 2nd, 2006
12:27 am	Catch up 03.11.05 what? can't u hear me? Does my voice not penetrate your invincible mind field? Can u sit there and and ignore the whispering? the scratching of a pencil is clearer to your ear than my speech. it becomes silent, so as not not to distract your inconsistency. ____________ Collision, we collide, straying, shhh - follow me, trust me i am telling u stories ______________ 04.12.05 Cut the crap your passive aggresive bullshit. You are nothing but a barnacle You would rather kill yourself than be faced with the truth _______________ what u did not count on was me dont let that halo of yours choke u _______________ just a smile a tiny glimmer of recognition the factor of a time gone by (Comment on this)
12:15 am	Catch ups Tori Amos lyrics Sleeps with Butterflies Airplanes take you away again are you flying above where we live then I look up, a glare in my eyes are you having regrets about last night I'm not, but I like rivers that rush in so then I dove in Is there trouble ahead for you, the acrobat? I won't push you, unless you have a net You say the word you know I will find you or if you need some time I don't mind I don't hold on to the tail of your kite I'm not like the girls that you've known but I believe I'm worth comin' home to kiss away night this girl only sleeps with butterflies with butterflies So go on and fly then, boy Balloons look good from on the ground I fear with pins and needles around we may fall then stumble upon a carousel It could take us anywhere You say the word you know I will find you or if you need some time I don't mind I don't hold onto the tail of your kite I'm not like the girls that you've known but I believe I'm worth comin' home to kiss her, waiting by this girl this girl You say the word you know I will find you or if you need some time I don't mind I don't hold onto the tail of your kite I'm not like the girls that you've known but I believe I'm worth comin' home to kiss away night this girl only sleeps with butterflies with butterflies with butterflies So go on and fly boy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
10:48 pm	Visions through Drugs My flatmates and I discovered oursleves in the middle of a passionate debate last nigth about the use of drugs to further ones spiritual development (focusing on DMT, Peyote, Datura and Magic Mushrooms). I have not studied the use of these drugs with any level of intensity, but realised I have some pretty strong views on it! Throughout our ramblings I found myself stating that these drugs have been used sacredly for many years by different "tribes" and religious groups. (yes, well done girl!) but I started thinking, this was very much in a time / situation when there was / is more a group conciousness. Have we not moved beyond this (especially here in Aust), I began to feel that the majority (at least those of us in the discussion) all had a very personal spiritual journey. I tend to feel, that whilst these drugs maybe powerful tools, I believe that through discipline and training we can attain these states of mind / visions. Becky said that when the time was right the drug would turn up, she pointed out that I had been given some DMT at some point and to her she felt that meant that I was ready to take it. I disagree with that, I feel that my challenge was to overcome the temptation for the drug. I ended up throwing it out. There was NO way at that particular point in time that I was prepared for that experience. This is food for thought for me. I am still thinking about it, and through that my opinion may change. I would welcome other peoples opinions. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
3:23 am	Coincidence or Synchronicity * Meeting Stevie that toured with Lest and was at pub with her when she met Claus * Hearing from Claus next day * All the moments with Rad * Shrimp (in general) * Dates of Tas gig! Yea for being there for both births!! * Wes, all our mutual friends, knowing one another on very different levels * Peta, the Horror!! JP and Jerril * Moving in with Paula * Asking Richard Lowenstein who he was and why he was filming our show!!!! * The weather - storms etc * Wes working @ BDO and Cath asking me to accompany her, I would never have gone otherwise * Phillip Glass track being used in current show! Current Mood: calm Current Music: Two Pages - Phillip Glass (Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 1st, 2005
2:07 am	Now for something completely different! Lyrics Here you come again - Dolly Parton Here you come again Just when I've begun to get myself together You waltz right in the door Just like you've done before And wrap my heart 'round your little finger Here you come again Just when I'm about to make it work without you You look into my eyes And lie those pretty lies And pretty soon I'm wonderin' how I came to doubt you All you have to do is smile that smile And there go all my defenses Just leave it up to you and in a little while You're messin' up my mind and fillin' up my senses Here you come again Lookin' better than a body has a right to And shakin' me up so that all I really know Is here you come again ... And here I go [break] All you have to do is smile that smile And there go all my defenses Just leave it up to you and in a little while You're messin' up my mind and fillin' up my senses Here you come again Lookin' better than a body has a right to And shakin' me up so that all I really know Is here you come again ... And here I go (here you come again) Here I go Here I go (here you come again) And here I go Here I go (here you come again) Here I go Here I go (here you come again) Here I go (Comment on this)
12:40 am	Original Sinsuality Lyrics Original Sinsuality - Tori Amos - The BeeKeeper There was a garden in the beginning Before the fall Before Genesis There was a tree there A tree of knowledge Sophia would insist You must eat of this Original Sin? No I don't think so Original Sinsuality Original Sin? No it should be Original Sinsuality Original Sin? No I don't think so Original Sinsuality Yaldaboath Saklas Im calling you You are not alone I say You are not alone in your darkness You are not alone Baby You are not alone (Comment on this)
12:24 am	Samhain 31-10-05 , 3:40am Been having very intense dreams recently. A mixture of being told things, and retelling things to important people, to having vivid dreams of things I am about to do do. A fire alarm goes off I sit and watch you fly, creating and taking thoughts. We say goobye as we say goodnight. Tis not in the future, but today, and yesterday. Three Goddesses of fate - weaving fate in darkness, sudden changes in fortune, a new phase of life........ "Dreaming Stones" (traditional) Go to a boundary stream and with closed eyes, take from the water 3 stones between the middle finger and thumb, saying these words as each is gathered: I will lift the stone As Mary lifted it for her Son **, For substance, virtue, and strength; May this stone be in my hand Till I reach my journey's end. ** I change this to As Mary lifted it (Comment on this)
Monday, October 31st, 2005
11:43 pm	Spiral Dance " This the Feast of Samhain, when the veil is thin that divides the worlds, the seen from the unseen, the day to day from the Mysteries. And now we pause on the threshold, and prepare to journey beyond the boundaries of the world, and the fading husk of the passing year, down into the darkness of Winter, aand through to the joy and the boundless dance that is bright heart of the promise of Spring. For Samhain is our New Year, the New Year of the Witches. And when we say Witches, we mwan those with a certain wit - even wisdom - who follow the Old Religion of the Goddess. And when we speak of the Goddess, Who is Moon, stone, star and of the Horned God, the Sun, the life of animals, we recognize our kinship with all of our life, the interwoven chain of connection that sustains all, and that this tapestry of life is our common trust and treasure, we are committed to its service. When we call the Goddess as Maiden, Mother and Crone, we see Her in all women, all shapes and colours and ages, and we honour women for strength as well as beauty, for knowledge and experience and the power that comes from within, for She is the Mother of Inspiration. When we call the Horned One as Lover and Consort, we see him in Men, and we honour men for tenderness and kindness as well as courage. And He wears the horns because we honour the animal self in each of us, forever untamed and free, the heat of desire, our miracle bodies, the drumming of our hearts. And when we invoke the elements of life - Air and Fire, Water and Earth - we know what is needed to sustain life, and we know what is needed to sustain hope, and we know, with breath and nerve and blood and bone, what is needed to sustain the balance of our lives. And we pledge ourselves to care for this Earth, and to preserve It, even through these times of fear and sadness, when our culture has gone so far in the direction of death and destruction. And so we will come to the Ocean of Tears, to look in that glistening mirror, and to hear the voice of low and ceaselss thunder, wrapped in the taste and smell of the spray, and to remember what has passes, what has passed beyond boundaries, gone beyond change. And we too will cross, and renew ourselves, and reclaim the future. And when we dance the Spiral of Joy, together we vow to release that brilliant hope for all life....." (from the 1998 Spiral Dance) Current Music: Judith - Mer De Noms - A Perfect Cirlce (Comment on this)
Friday, October 28th, 2005
12:28 am	Thoughts Sometimes I reach out to touch you and all I feel is glass....................... Went to see Orion, ensmeble created by Phillip Glass. For the first time in my life froma musical experience I was actually speechless. A player from each continent. When they asked him, what kind of music he wanted he directed them to look at the constellation Orion. Met a woman at the show tonight that randomly gave me a piece of rose quartz, she told me the reason my chest was infected was because the energy from my solar plexus was blocked. Coincidence or synchronicity? Met the lady that owns the theatre - LM - it was her 88th birthday Current Mood: lethargic Current Music: A Sorta Fairytale - Scarlets Walk -Tori Amos (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 19th, 2005
11:49 pm	Phillip Glass I went to see the man himself in concert tonight. Him a Piano and us. It was very amazing. To watch a composer play his works is something IYou am not going to forget soon. He started off with a piece he was asked to write in 1979, for a speech the Dalai Lama was giving. It went for about 15 minutes, it showed us the place that was waiting for us if we were to follow. The next he played 4 of the 5 movements from "The Four Metamorhoses"(1989) a piece inspired by Kafka's Metamorphosis. I opened my eyes at one point and looked around me at the space we were in. It was like sitting in a glass piece of honeycomb. It was raining outside and on the river u could see the ferries, people walking up the stairs. It was like we were sitting in our own beehive, whilst everday life went on around us, we were going on a journey! He then went on to play "Mad Rush" (1980)this piece has since been used for dance, it was then that when i closed my eyes again, I could feel Lest sitting in the empty chair next to me. He then went on to play "Six Etudes" (1994 - 99)it was then that i became convinced he had a string section on the stage with him, i kept straining to see the entire stage, knowing rationally it was not there, but then where was that sound coming from!! I have seen some amazing players in my time, but never before have i heard what i heard tonight, and Phillip is not even the most amazing of players, he is a Composer! I heard from Ben tonight. I had text him to tell him of my last minute op to c PG, he replied to me afterwards that he had just taken his sweetheart to the airport. There I was in a concert with the Lest and he was saying goodbye to his number 2. It has allowed me to see the role I play in his life (that has been whispering out to me). I am his physical Guardian. Lest asked me always to look after him, I was the one she wanted to take her place in that role, she would have adored for ever. So i can feel that energy releasing. What a beautiful year to have in your 30th. This year not only have I hung with the Bee Keeper, I have also gone into the Hive. Current Mood: energetic Current Music: Song #15 Father Death Blues - Hydrogen Jukebox - P Glass (Comment on this)
1:11 pm	17.06.05 12.51 am Pentagram Visualisation Visualising a more condensed feild with a crossover closely around the heart chakra produces a more physical effect. Heart beat increases, heavyness within the area due to the pulsation of energy. More internal. Space of pentagram is combined to the physical Notes: I started out with the intention of visualising the pentagram. But instead had this energy, kept drawing focus to an outward visualisation of a flaming pentacle. Realised the "feeling' i was trying to push away, was actually the pentagrams energy within me. I see it as a silver field. It has a cloud of silver and then almost spark like silver shards. (Comment on this)
12:53 pm	Dream from 02.05.05 THE DREAM I am in a massive grey stone house (I have never dreamt of this house before) I am in a dark room downstairs arguing with someone who is a close friend. I get really upset and start running, I run upstairs, dark, with shards of light. I am quite hysterical. I reach out side, which is series of paths, still grey stone, the light outside is dim and overcast, it is really windy and the path has dead leaves all over it and they are flying in the air as well.I run through a tunnel that takes me to a lower level then run up some stairs still in the tunnel. I arrive at a path way that consists of tree branches twisted together. Light green leaves, they feel like oak. As I look at it I know it is magical and full of faeries etc, but I decide to run up anyway I want to enter that realm. As I begin to run up the path (it gradually gets higher) I slow down a little and I am not so upset. I pass a nest of crystals and I know I am right that I am entering their space, but I decide to keep going and trust they will let me know if I am not welcome. I get to about half way up (it seems to lead to a level platform of branches that straightens out to the right) and I just have a deep sense to turn back so I do. On my way back about a quarter of the way down the path, a woman appears infront of me, she is older and has a mischevious energy about her. She speaks to me, (I cannot remember the conversation) she offers me food and I decline, she laughs at this, I have done the right thing, I have passed some kind of test, then a man appears just kind of hanging back in another tree, only the top half of his body is revealed and i am certain the rest of his body is animal ( His energy was Pan (ish))He doesnt come out he just stays there, he is intrigued. She comes closer to me and I know it is ok to keep walking up, as I turn around another young woman appears in the same spot as I turned back.... Current Mood: busy Current Music: Caught a lite sneeze - Boys For Pele - Tori Amos (Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 18th, 2005
3:12 pm	16.06.05 16.06.05 - Jupiter visible next to the moon So many thoughts that the mind begins to wander. Eyes become heavy, weary with travel. beautiful star gazer come down from the heights you sit within. Casual stranger that I seek within. We sit around precariuosly forgetting time and place, lost rhythms pass, lost patterns submerge in murky foundations. Jupiters strength we seek to gain as moonlights story unravels. Where have all the berries gone that once stained my skin. Has the season they blossomed in ceased? Or maybe just been forgotten. We grasp at the walls we have put in place, it can almost be deemed as desperate, this long ans overcast search. The sweetness of this yearning the long forgotten past, the little light that comes with that smell, the one of pure delight. From within the depths of a deep cold sea that envelopes you inside her chaos, comes silence, comes clarity, can come faith. But where does the faith come from when the darkness abounds. When death and decay keep showing their face. I can feel the music that beckons to be heard. Confusion blocks the twisted path. They ask her if she knows what being the initiate will involve. For her this is not a mental process, can the unconciousness not prepare for this archaic need for knowledge. I understand the principles of the trinity. The unconciousness HAS to be able to prepare the conciousness, but maybe for reasons that shall become clear somethings remain in the dark. Can one not safely initiate without this mental knowledge. I mean only a book tells me of what he is asking. This is not about his beliefs, but mine, let the confusion stop and listen to within. (Comment on this)